U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
