You're my little dorito
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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