THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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