I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i think i have two assholes
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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