is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
