you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
