Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
