the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
