Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
