i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
