i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
