Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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