Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
