I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Blood and glitter go together right?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
