I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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