at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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