Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
