it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
