That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
