wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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