508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
