Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
