Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
