so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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