I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
