I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
