I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
