**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Randomize
