I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
