Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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