Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
