he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
