She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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