you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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