Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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