Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
