in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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