Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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