I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Randomize
