I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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