...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
bring money and cleavage
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
