Dual....:-)
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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