dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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