Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
