DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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