holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize