She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
