you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
