At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
