I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
