so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
