At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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