Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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