Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
