I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
