Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
