i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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