omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
