time to smoke my breakfast
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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