we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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