Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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