Fine. I'll sleep in my office
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
