I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
