My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We were destined to go to rehab together
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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