He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
