Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
