so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
