I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
