So drunk, too bad you don't want this
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
