You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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