I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
